Bend And Not Break
by User Name008
Summary: I am fairly agile, I can bend and not break, Or I can break and take it with a smile,And I am so resilient, I recover quickly, I'll convince you soon that I am fine."


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A/N: This is my first attempt at a G/D romance. I have absolutely no clue what I was doing, or what I was writing about. Oh well, hope you enjoy. Comments greatly appreciated.

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Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter characters. Nor do I own the lovely song "Bend And Not Break" by Dashboard Confessional.

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Bend And Not Break

I am fairly agile  
I can bend and not break   
Or I can break and take it with a smile   
And I am so resilient   
I recover quickly   
I'll convince you soon that I am fine 

"Bend And Not Break" -Dashboard Confessional

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December

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The Fifth

I'm not sure when it started, all I know is that it happened. Somewhere during the beginning of my fifth year my world was completely turned upside-down. I'm still not sure if it's real. If it is, I don't know why it hurts so much. You'd think I've learned to cope with it.

Every time _He_ looks at me I feel this insane rush in my stomach. Like a pack of pixies have been set loose inside of me. Every time _He _touches me, or whispers my name when no one's around. Those are the moments I just _know_ I'm in love.

Then, there are the moments I wish I would just roll over and die. Fall off the face of the Earth into a large empty pit of nothingness. Just one big void. Those are the moments _He_ yells at me, calls me names. Yet, through it all, _He_ **_never _**physically hurts me.

Sometimes I **_wish_** _He_ would. 

I know it sounds completely morbid, and you must think I'm a certified nut. But, I wish he would hit me sometimes. I just want to feel the sting on my cheek that I know his hands are capable of. I just want to be able to show him he _can_ hurt me.

**__**

The Fifteenth

I slapped him today. I haven't quite figured out why. Today started off normal enough. I met him near the lake, just as he had demanded. I wasn't late, and no one had followed.

"Hurry up will you," Draco sneered as he began to walk towards the forest edge. I scurried after him and almost smiled. This was crazy. Here we were, in the middle of war, about to make love on the dirt ground of our _school_. As soon as Hagrid's hut was out of sight his lips were immediately attached to my neck. 

We never kiss on the lips. Draco says it's too personal.

Just as things were beginning to heat up I pulled back, slightly flushed. 

"Do you have any protection potion?" I asked.

"No," Draco murmured as he placed chaste kisses along my jaw line. My stomach clenched and I tried to pull back further. "I thought you were taking a potion to keep you from getting pregnant."

"I forgot," I mumbled. Draco immediately pulled back. His cold gaze rest on me, and it took all my strength not to look away. 

"What do you bloody mean you forgot?" He yelled angrily. I shrunk back, my back resting uncomfortably against a large tree. "How the _Hell_ can you forget, you damn cow?"

"As if you haven't forgotten anything," I sneered.

"I haven't!" Draco yelled, his fist colliding beside me. I turned to look at his red knuckles held against the tree and let out a hollow laugh. "Are you bloody insane? What are you laughing about?"

"Hit me," I spat, turning to look Draco in the eye. His blue-gray eyes widened in surprise before being replace with a steely glare.

"And, why, Weasley, would I do that?" He asked in a monotone. 

"Because you want to," I grinned. "I know you want to. I can see it in your eyes." 

"You're bloody fucken' insane," He said with a shake of his head. I watched as he straightened his robes and began to walk away. I had the sudden urge to pull him back by his blonde hair and kiss him full on the lips, just to make him angry at me.

Letting out a low growl I chased after him, and successfully tackled him to the ground. He looked up at me, shock clearly evident on his face. I was straddling his hips, my face hovering inches above his own.

"Why won't you hit me?" I demanded. He didn't answer, and instead just stared. "Why won't you kiss me on the lips? Why won't you be a bloody man and just _hit_ me?"

He still wouldn't answer, and I could feel the tears building up in my eyes.

"Is it so much to ask?" I said as I chocked on a sob. "Is it to much to want you to hurt me? Why won't you hurt me, God damn-it?!" 

I was bawling then, my tiny fists pounding on his chest. He didn't reach up and slap me, like I'd imagined. Instead he just pulled me to his chest and said nothing at all. And for some reason, this angered me more. 

Why won't he hit me? Why won't he yell at me for even thinking such a thing? Why won't he do anything but hold me as if I might turn into dust and blow away in the wind? Why won't he just do what I want?

"I'd never physically hurt you," He murmured into my hair. And that's when I snapped and slapped him. I don't know what made me do it. The tone of his voice, as if he actually cared. The way he held me so softly. The way he looked at me hurt once I'd slapped him. 

I didn't stick around for his full reaction. Instead I scrambled off him, tears pouring down my cheeks, and ran all the way to my dormitory. 

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The Twenty-Ninth

He sent my roses. After I treated him so awful, the bloody git sent me roses. Not just any roses. He sent me red Ever-Bloom roses. He said as long as the never wilt he'd never lie a finger on me. The stupid roses are never going to wilt! 

Bloody Draco! Bloody me!! Bloody male ego!!! Bloody Ever-Bloom!!!! Bloody You-Know-Who!!!! Bloody life!!!!! Bloody world!!! Bloody everything!!!!!!!!

I cried. A lot. I spent all day held up on my bed bawling my eyes out.

Why won't he hit me? I just need to know why. The roses don't really tell me much, just that he'll never hit me. They don't tell me why.

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January

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The Thirteenth

When I walked out of History of Magic half asleep I didn't expect to see him. He was just standing there, leaning against the wall with lean arms crossed over his chest, looking around anxiously. His gaze caught mine and I felt a rush of hot air enter my body. A light blush covered his pale cheeks, barely noticeable unless you looked close enough.

Pushing himself off the wall he made his way towards me. Everything stopped. From my heart to the intense chatter filling the halls. The people around us began to fade away, and suddenly it was just us. Me and Draco. Draco and I. Our own little universe.

"How're you doing?" Draco asked, bouncing on the soles of his feet. He took my hand in his and pulled me down the corridor. A tingling sensation shot up my finger to my arm, and spread over my whole body. Just as quickly as it had surged through me, it was gone.

"I'm fine," I answered as Draco let go of my hand. He rubbed the back of his neck and gave a small smile.

"Good," he nodded. I dropped my gaze to the floor and watched his cloak as he turned away. 

Suddenly the faces were becoming clearer, the noise growing louder. The students were here, and I was left standing in an archway never feeling more alone in my life. It was no longer a private universe for Draco and I. We were suddenly back in reality, and I knew I'd do anything for him. Even lie. Because, in all truth, I wasn't fine. I was once again a scarred and lonely fifteen year old girl. The same one I'd been when I'd set eyes on Draco at the beginning of my fifth year.


End file.
